Knickers!

Happy Valentines Day

I got these in an email, and I thought they were worth sharing!

Our Valentine's day was lovely, Mexican Lunch on the beach, watched the lifesavers have some training, and then we went to gawk at the empty Torrens!

Bunning's Dictionary for the Home Handyman

Continuing with the renovation theme ... these are gold, and SO true!


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilser which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh shit..."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines , refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Grand Designs

Ok, we have become a wee bit addicted to this show of late, and here's the thing, almost everything can be made into a drinking game of sorts ...

"Gasp-oh no! They're going to project manage the thing themselves while living on another continent and they don't speak Swahili and they've sold their children to finance the local-artisan-crafted kitchen chandelier that any fool can see will never work anyway!",-slurp from glass of wine,....double-slurp.

Grand Designs is the sort of show that cries out for a drinking game.
Whilst the program is formulaic, we delight in the variations from week to week: the many spectacular shades of fail, Kevin's easygoing sardonic patois, the appalling lack of taste and surprisingly refreshing presence of the same.

The only things that could really make this show better are a bottle of tequila, some good company, and a "never-say-bleurghh" attitude.

Feel free to substitute the tequila for something a bit gentler should your constitution require it. Vodka, for example, is acceptable for the children.

ONE SHOT
• homeowners decide to project manage themselves
• the word “ingenious” makes an appearance
• Kevin delivers a piece to camera and conspiratorially leans in and whispers any part
• a Kevin-to-camera monologue ends with him pursing his lips or biting his lower lip
• the block of land costs more than the estimated build cost
• homeowner cries
• Kevin ends a piece to camera by walking out of shot
• Kevin wears a hard hat
• Kevin demonstrates an engineering principle with an improvised model

TWO SHOTS
• Kevin speaks flawless Italian, French, Mandarin, Swahili
• we see footage of pouring rain pooling on a concrete slab
• digging the foundations turns up something unexpected in the substrate which will set them back several weeks
• Kevin uses the word “bling”
• The homeowners are forced to make an unplanned move into a caravan

THREE SHOTS
• something collapses
• couple splits up during the build
• Kevin has a swim in the home owners’ new pool
• project is left unfinished at the episode’s end

If you are not enjoying yourself at the end of an episode, you weren't paying attention enough!

What’s new pussy cat?

Before and After!

Not much I tell you!

Although … we have finally finished the renovations in Blair Athol!!!

HOORAY!

After about a year of blood, sweat, tears, tantrums harrumphs’, cursing and hard work it is over!

We had 2 agents walk through so far. One was a complete doofus, plus he was late, didn’t ring to tell us so etc and had the worst ever excuses. He also walked through and said “you need to fix that, this etc etc” which we were a bit dis-pleased to hear that.

Anyway the second chick was much nicer, on time, didn’t tell us we needed to fix anything, and said she could get us a good price, was very thorough, and fairly competent and confident.

We think we will go with her.

So, poo poo to Century 21! And Hello Strata Data!

Apart from that we have been up at Mum and Dad’s new place every weekend from sun up to late, painting, fixing chopping, etc etc.
It’s a bit easier to be able to do all the work while there is bugger all furniture and people in the house!
Bert has been having fun to, barking at the birds and walking through paint!

Aside from that I have been having the warm and fuzzies lately (not that type!)

I joined a group called Free-cycle, they give away things to others etc, if it’s too good to throw away and you feel someone else could use it you make an offer and someone will come and pick it up. You can also ask for things on there to, say if you need a retaining wall or pavers or something. It’s quite fun, I have been using it to get rid of all the excess things from both houses. We free-cycled 2 dinner sets, a mountain of spare cutlery and the list goes on. I have also been able to get off there some shelves etc to go in Mum’s new garden shed (as it is bare!) I dipped out on some scrap booking magazines though!! You have to be quick!

Anyway, that is about it for us, working hard and rushing to get things done before mum and dad move up on the 3rd July!